(1/3)“My family and friends have no idea that I’m going through a depression. Four years ago my dad left us. From one day to another he was gone and it broke my heart. I don’t know where he went. My dad was never much involved with our family but still he was my hero. He would take me places and he always made sure to take good care of me. I ran into him once after he left but I couldn’t even look at him and I passed him by while he stopped. I’ll never forget that moment. I have always felt that I needed to be strong for my family. As a reaction to our chaotic situation at home I wanted some control and I ended up going through phases of extreme weight loss, cutting myself and depression. When you are depressed you don’t see the people around you and you even push them away. It’s as if I’m in a dark hallway and there are no windows. You feel as if the only way to release yourself from the pain is by ending life. My biggest fear last year was to fail high school. I had already made my suicide plan in case I wouldn’t graduate. When I did graduate, I naively thought all my problems were solved. After the summer holiday I went to study in Amsterdam. I was feeling a bit better until I had my first conversation with my mentor. I haven’t told anyone about my depression or suicide plans but somehow I ended up telling the whole story to him. After our conversation the depression came back but this time the feeling is 10 times worse than before. My mentor made sure I got in touch with my doctor. The good news is that I can get help but I also found out that there is a 12 week waiting list.”
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